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Location: Long Beach, California, United States

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Poop Culture

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Monday, June 20, 2005

Sloppy (I Saw My Baby Gettin')

"Oh, c'mon," my inner voice chided me. "Go out tonight. You haven't gone to a gay bar in months. How are you supposed to meet anyone sitting on your couch all the time?"

Fine. FINE. A quick phone call to my friend Kris and we were off to the Silver Fox's Sunday Karaoke spectacular.

The Fox is Long Beach's strange little bar. For most of the week, it's a quiet little watering hole, filled mostly with older gay gents and younger, um, working gurls, let's say. May/December couplings, you ask? Try more like 1929/1982.

But on Sunday, the place is transformed into Long Beach's only happening gay spot, packed to the gills with decent looking guys from all age groups and scenes, united in the joy of watching some homo warble "Everybody Hurts" for the 4,292nd time.

Ah, the song have a crowded bar full of drinking revelers and what does everyone choose to sing? The longest, slowest, most interminable ballads. Awful. Groups I have never heard in any other context (thank God)...Five for Fighting...Three Doors Down...awful. How we suffer to meet men.

After about an hour, I spotted a hot looking guy in his thirties...well, we sort of spotted each other, since we both kept catching each other looking. I'm awful at this - I always look away and think that when someone looks back, they're thinking "Ewww...why is that bald guy looking at me?" This often comes back to bite me in the ass (metaphorically, alas) as having "attitude". Sigh.

Someone knew someone that knew Hot Guy and I was informed that he was a teacher - not bad! Sorta sexy, actually. Altruistic career paths are hot. My interest was hightened even more.

Then he started drinking.

And drinking.

And drinking some more.

Not 45 minutes later, this formerly Hot Guy was a slurring, shambling, embarrassing mess, dancing alone in front of the stage, yelling across the bar to his friends as someone was trying to sing their song, actually turning around to face the singer at one point and grabbing his crotch.

Awful. Let this be a lesson to all of you - and me! - drinking is fun. Moderation is the key, though. No one likes a sloppy drunk. It's sad that someone in his thirties still hasn't learned this.

Don't get me wrong...going on a bender is fine every year or so. We've all done it. It's when it becomes a weekly event that you lose the right to be offended when someone snaps judges you based upon it. This was the third time I've seen this guy out and each time he's been just as sloppy.

Thank God his students are on summer vacation.

Fine Folks

"...and by hubris, I mean overweening pride!" - Johnny's Greatest Hits

25 Year Loop
Fucking Woof
David Live
The Night Before
Jobriath Was First
She's in Parties
She's in Parties Pt. 2
Tales From the Dragon Club
Tales From the Dragon Club Pt. 2
Okay, California...You Win
How to Sell Used CDs

Previously on "Johnny Is a Man"...

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