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Thursday, December 21, 2006

The 2006 Johnny Awards

Forget your Grammys, Oscars, Global People's Golden Choice Awards and every "Best of 2006" list out there - it's time for the only awards show that matters - THE 2006 JOHNNYS!

Best Sophomore Release (tie)
The Delays “You See Colours”
“Out of Nowhere”
The Rapture “Pieces of The People We Love”
“The Devil”
This is how you do it - take the sound you introduced on your first album, expand it, nail down the songcraft and hit "Blend".

Worst Sophomore Release (tie)
The Killers “Sam’s Town”
Scissor Sisters “Tah Dah”
...and this is how you fuck it up. Y'see, the whole point of being a New Wave influenced act is not having to be influenced by Bruce Springsteen or Elton John.

The Gavin Rossdale Memorial Award
Awarded yearly to the act who must successfully transitioned from being a shameless clone to legit in their own right:
Muse “Black Holes & Revelations”
Imagine if Thom Yorke got laid! He'd write this.

The La’s Memorial “We Hardly Knew Ye” Award
Awarded yearly to the act with a stellar debut who then promptly split up:
The Upper Room

Comeback of the Year
Scritti Politti “White Bread Black Beer”
Admittedly, I have a bit of an '80s jones, but I still would have never predicted one-hit wonder Green would knock my socks off in 2006 with this quiet, understated beauty of an album. Yes, I said "album", in the most classic sense of the word.

The “Oh…you.” Award
Given to the act you thought you were rid of:
George Michael
“An Easier Affair”
Yes, being gay is a breeze, George. I mean, when you wait until you have millions and you're in your thirties to come out, sure.

Reissue of the Year
The Human League “Hysteria”
“The World Tonight”
Looks good, sounds good, b-sides, non-album singles. Someone paid attention!

The “Not Dead Yet” Award
Liz Phair “Freak of Nature”
Her most Liz-like song in years, hidden on a radio station compilation CD.

Best Remix of a Shitty Song
Snow Patrol “Chasing Cars (DJ Mario Remix)”
Yo, Lou Barlow wants his schtick back. Now throw ya goddamn hands in da ayer.

Fine Folks

"...and by hubris, I mean overweening pride!" - Johnny's Greatest Hits

25 Year Loop
Fucking Woof
David Live
The Night Before
Jobriath Was First
She's in Parties
She's in Parties Pt. 2
Tales From the Dragon Club
Tales From the Dragon Club Pt. 2
Okay, California...You Win
How to Sell Used CDs

Previously on "Johnny Is a Man"...

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