"Corn is, like, my most hated thing in the world. Seriously."
Allow me to explain, dear reader, before you accuse me of being the problem. I mean, I'm pretty much fucking perfect, as you're well aware. I meant to say "a good number of new people I meet IN LOS ANGELES are total assholes.
Example: Baby Chutney and I attend a fabulously gay pool party in the Valley for the Fourth. The host, his partner and several of his friends are as nice and friendly as can be. But as you know, when it comes to a gathering of homos, there must always be one fly in the Elbow Grease®. Said idiot in this case would be the Anger Twink who arrived about 90 minutes late (alone...imagine!), took off his shirt to reveal a decent chest complete with festering red razor burn (ew.), and proceeded to take a steaming, oaty, leafy dump on anything anyone said the rest of the party.
Sample dialogue (all 100% true and Chut-Chut Verifiable) - I'm talking to another guest about our Tivo addictions and how excited we are about Big Brother 8 premiering tonight.
ANGER TWINK (interrupting): I don't watch television AT ALL. I just don't like anything it has to offer. I can't understand how anyone could watch anything on it.
Not ten minutes later, I'm in the kitchen grabbing an ear of sweet corn (and no, I did not repeat my father's jokes below - decorum, people!). Anger Twink enters behind me and grabs a hamburger (no bun, she's on Atkins!). I figure, what the hell, I'll try again.
ME: This sweet corn is excellent.
ANGER TWINK (immediately, like she was rehearsing this line for minutes beforehand in case it came up): Corn is, like, my most hated thing in the world. Seriously.
ME: Oh. Take THAT, Osama! You've been replaced!
ANGER TWINK: (blank stare) What?
So, to sum up, LA twinks are awful and Chut Chut, please never make me go out into that world alone ever again.
In other news, here's today's MOST AWESOME YOUTUBE THING EVER. Make sure you at least give the queen a chance to make her über-dramatic entrance at :25 seconds in before you close it:
Move over, Dramatic Chipmunk! There's something queerer!