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Location: Long Beach, California, United States

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Poop Culture

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Monday, April 24, 2006

who do you want me to be / to make you sleep with me

Yes, the new Diet Dr. Pepper Berries & Cream is so goddamn good, I would totally let it top me.

It's like an orgasm in a bottle. Also, note my position mirrors the back cover of Sparks' "Profile" CDs. Unintentional.

Let's start from the outside and work our way in. To begin with, the label design is exquisite. Working from a berry and cream colored palette (big duh!), the graphic design team has taken the old Dr. Pepper logo and upped the rastafari quotient by 10%, creating a hip new logo that gets "biz-ZAY". The tiny "Est. 1885" reminds the consumer that Dr. Pepper, while looking very 2006, has been around just about as long as Cher or at least Chas. The "Diet", however, helps prevent your ass from looking like Chas', while the plastic composition of the bottle reminds you of, well, Cher.

CHER PLASTIC SURGERY JOKE = HACKY HACK HACK. Forgive me. I'm better than that. It's just that this shit has got me so fucking giddy (read: wired). The secret ingredient = tina?

Once you get past the ahh-sum label, the first thing you notice is the scent - delightfully fruity and berry-riffic, sort of like if Frankenberry blasted one in an enclosed car. See, cuz Frankenberry was a big homo, y'see...fruity...get it? Okay, I'm trying too hard now.

Look, the shit is good. Good. GOOD. I'm hooked. Unfortunately, Diet Dr. Pepper Berries & Cream (I could type that over and over all day long and still get a little post-pee shiver every time), is one of those fucking limited time only, regional marketing test thingees, like a McRib or Kevin Federline song. So, if you want it, get it now.


Fine Folks

"...and by hubris, I mean overweening pride!" - Johnny's Greatest Hits

25 Year Loop
Fucking Woof
David Live
The Night Before
Jobriath Was First
She's in Parties
She's in Parties Pt. 2
Tales From the Dragon Club
Tales From the Dragon Club Pt. 2
Okay, California...You Win
How to Sell Used CDs

Previously on "Johnny Is a Man"...

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