Johnny Is a Man / And He's Bigger Than You

: Name: John; Location: Long Beach, California, United States

Music Geek - Rock & Roll Jeopardy Champ Certified!

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Friday, December 22, 2006

To Tell The Selective Truth

Marvel Comics' Stan Lee on "To Tell The Truth" in 1970:

Of note:

• Stan's really bad rug,
• The fact that none of the panelists seem to be able to discern the difference between comic books and comic strips
• Number of times Fantastic Four, Hulk and Captain America co-creator Jack Kirby is mentioned - zero.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

The 2006 Johnny Awards

Forget your Grammys, Oscars, Global People's Golden Choice Awards and every "Best of 2006" list out there - it's time for the only awards show that matters - THE 2006 JOHNNYS!

Best Sophomore Release (tie)
The Delays “You See Colours”
“Out of Nowhere”
The Rapture “Pieces of The People We Love”
“The Devil”
This is how you do it - take the sound you introduced on your first album, expand it, nail down the songcraft and hit "Blend".

Worst Sophomore Release (tie)
The Killers “Sam’s Town”
Scissor Sisters “Tah Dah”
...and this is how you fuck it up. Y'see, the whole point of being a New Wave influenced act is not having to be influenced by Bruce Springsteen or Elton John.

The Gavin Rossdale Memorial Award
Awarded yearly to the act who must successfully transitioned from being a shameless clone to legit in their own right:
Muse “Black Holes & Revelations”
“Starlight”
Imagine if Thom Yorke got laid! He'd write this.

The La’s Memorial “We Hardly Knew Ye” Award
Awarded yearly to the act with a stellar debut who then promptly split up:
The Upper Room
“Portrait”

Comeback of the Year
Scritti Politti “White Bread Black Beer”
“Locked”
Admittedly, I have a bit of an '80s jones, but I still would have never predicted one-hit wonder Green would knock my socks off in 2006 with this quiet, understated beauty of an album. Yes, I said "album", in the most classic sense of the word.

The “Oh…you.” Award
Given to the act you thought you were rid of:
George Michael
“An Easier Affair”
Yes, being gay is a breeze, George. I mean, when you wait until you have millions and you're in your thirties to come out, sure.

Reissue of the Year
The Human League “Hysteria”
“The World Tonight”
Looks good, sounds good, b-sides, non-album singles. Someone paid attention!

The “Not Dead Yet” Award
Liz Phair “Freak of Nature”
Her most Liz-like song in years, hidden on a radio station compilation CD.

Best Remix of a Shitty Song
Snow Patrol “Chasing Cars (DJ Mario Remix)”
Yo, Lou Barlow wants his schtick back. Now throw ya goddamn hands in da ayer.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Power Tool

It begins with the opening of a tiny, mostly acoustic live music venue in North Hollywood called Kulak's Woodshed

The story continues as one of the venue's neighbors begins to complain, campaigning the city to close the club because of parking and noise issues.

The venue snipes back, claiming the neighbor is irritated solely because he once visited the club, got a little drunk and had to be escorted out of the club, asked never to return.

Someone on The Velvet Rope, a music industry message board, posts a thread devoted to the clash and, well...big deal, right? Clashes like this happen every day across the country, so why should you care?

What if I told you the disgruntled neighbor was Charles Peyton, aka faded gay porn icon Jeff Styker?

And what if I told you, based on his responses on the Velvet Rope, he's just about lost his fool mind? Some choice excerpts in all their unedited glory:

Hey, easy there big boy... Powertool was rated the Best Gay Video of all time, in the world. Jamie loves Jeff the best Hetro, in the world.
The realistic the best selling dildo of all time. put that together and you have............ a party for everyone!

Chuck AKA Jeff AKA Miles Long (My brother is Barry Long) AKA his largeness AKA Sir AKA Daddy AKA nnnooo don't, stop....No Dont stop.
Are you really feeling me now or just trying to tame the beast????

One time she yelled to me out back "No won wanna suck your huuuuge cock" (shes orential)I did not know if she was upset or flattering me.
It was cute. How she wound up with Kulak is beyond me..... But the truth is the truth, I am no angel, I have done porn, is that a bad thing?
It's is sex on film, let the sexless one throw the first stone.

Can I help it I was gifted with a club of my own?
You think I like walking around looking like I am hiding a midget in my pants?
Yes I do...

My stageshows (theater, A Sophisticated Evening with Jeff Stryker, a comedy) make me $190,000 in 6 weeks? If thats washed up then I guess your right. I bet you make that at the top of your career height in say, oh 30 years.

That's what I like, a newspaper boy calling someone washed up. No wonder your parents left you in a box at the side of the road.

Myself, I like the extreme close ups, then the face shot to see the pain/pleasure it is causing.
I appreciate that you have taste and are a good person, asspounder, you really got me laughing on that one. Almost as much as the guy who gets on me for being mean and then says my movies suck..Most of them do but I am not the sucker. I am the suckie.

Pitch and catch? I had a terrible childhood, my dad used to beat the shit outa me with a belt.
When he was done he would stand up and say, Ok now you do me.

Much more at the link. Merry Christmas! Don't say I never gave you nuttin'.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Yes.

April 10, 2007.

"Thank God for the lesbians!"

Y'know, I haven't blogged about "Passions", perhaps the BEST TV SHOW EVER, in a few months, so to fill the void, here's a quick clip of the evil Alistair and his plastic-faced daughter Beth being defeated by, yes, an army of bull dykes!

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