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Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Brokeback Mountain gay gay movie cowboys peep ah root toot groundbreaking meowsley cry peep why can't I quit yew ring ding toot.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Secret Twin Language

Matty, close personal friend and lead singer of the all-gay Go-Go's tribute band The Gay Gays and I have known each other for a few years now, mostly via IM and message boards.

While we hang out in the flesh every so often (moreso these days, thank goodness), we "speak" nearly every day, all day long via IM. As a result, we've sort of created our own, highly bizarre, impenetrable Secret Twin Language. A sample, with annotation:

JOHNNY: oh, GIBET1

MATTY: yes, marie?2

JOHNNY: my friend roy just called me with a story i must share

MATTY: 435!3

JOHNNY: : his lazy b/f is a "personal trainer"
roy pays all the billce 4, etc.

JOHNNY: : so the b/f has been depressed cuz he's in his 30s, no career, no degree, etc.

JOHNNY: : so he sleeps about 15 hours a day, no lie

JOHNNY: : last night, he came home from LA where he had a client and he was just standing in the kitchen behind the island

JOHNNY: : just standing

MATTY: yalse?5

JOHNNY: : and roy was all "what are you doing?" meditating.

JOHNNY: : "you are not meditating, the tv is too loud. what are you doing" NOTHING, leave me alone.

JOHNNY: : HE PEED INTO A BOTTLE IN THE KITCHEN BECAUSE HE DID NOT WANT TO WALK TO ONE OF THEIR FOUR BATHROOMS.

MATTY: 666!6 been there.

MATTY: so did he freak out and say "You are crazy!!! Now take that thing out of the bottle and put it in my mouf!"

JOHNNY: : no BETTER!

MATTY: who-aut?7

JOHNNY: : roy is all "that's disgusting - i don't want you peeing in my kitchen" OH, YOUR KITCHEN. "yes, my kitchen...it's disgusting"

JOHNNY: : well, IIIIII don't like the smell of YOUR foreskin!!!!

MATTY: 666!6 Gayce4 are awful.


1. "Gibet" is "hunny" - this originated when Matty tried to type "hunny" to me and his fingers were one key over from the center of the keyboard, possibly due to cocaine.
2. "Marie" is our "Mary." We felt Mary was too old school and faggy, so we butched it up a bit.
3. "435" is "yes." Numbers are the new letters!
4. "billce", "bearce", any plural word becomes more faggy when you replace the "s" with "ce". Say it out loud. See?
5. "Yalse" is simply "yes" with more letters.
6. "666!" is "LOL!" We felt LOL was too cliche'. See also #3.
7. "Who-aut" is "what" spelled in the overly phonetic candence as spoken by Florence Henderson in "The Brady Bunch." "Who-AUT??"


Dumb faggotce.

P.S. The Roy story is 100% true.

Fine Folks

"...and by hubris, I mean overweening pride!" - Johnny's Greatest Hits

25 Year Loop
Fucking Woof
David Live
The Night Before
Jobriath Was First
She's in Parties
She's in Parties Pt. 2
Tales From the Dragon Club
Tales From the Dragon Club Pt. 2
Okay, California...You Win
How to Sell Used CDs

Previously on "Johnny Is a Man"...

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